Sorry to ruin your Friday, but the latest episode of "Everything Is Gay!" just dropped. And it's a doozy.
A new documentary purports to tell the “untold story” of Abraham Lincoln - namely, that he was a closeted gay man who slept with more dudes than he did women.
Because in 2024 America, everything - including some of the most famous and well-documented presidents in history, whose entire lives have been the subject of extensive investigation for over a hundred years - simply has to be gay.
“Lover of Men: The Untold History of Abraham Lincoln,” from filmmaker Shaun Peterson, “examines the intimate life of America’s most consequential president, Abraham Lincoln,” per its official synopsis. “As told by preeminent Lincoln scholars and never before seen photographs and letters, the film details Lincoln’s romantic relationships with men.”
"The film fills in an important missing piece of American history and challenges the audience to consider why we hold such a limited view of human sexuality," the description continues. "Lover of Men is not only an exploration of gender roles and sexual identity, but also serves as an examination of American intolerance.”
Of course it does.
Related: NBC's 'Queer Planet' Documentary Claims 'Nature Is Full of Queer Surprises'
In the film one expert asserts that Lincoln "probably slept in the same bed with more men than he did with women." Page Six reports the film "explores Lincoln’s deep ties with daring, dashing guys and includes interviews with historians from Harvard, Columbia, Brown, Wellesley and Rutgers." At least some of whom, I'd wager, teach Queer Theory and Gender Bending 101 in their six-figure-a-year Ivory Towers.
As anyone who graduated 8th grade social studies would know, Lincoln was married to Mary Todd Lincoln, with whom he shared four children. Oh, but don’t worry - she was just a crazy, alcoholic cabaret addict, according to a raunchy play currently performing on Broadway called “Oh, Mary!” in which Mary is portrayed by the very male Cole Escola and which Variety called the “unquestionably the funniest, gayest, campiest play Broadway has seen in years.” (Lincoln’s not-so-secretly gay in this play, too.)
They say those who don't learn history are doomed to repeat it. I say, those who queerify history deserve to be called idiots for it.
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